Three words that no one ever really wants to be told. So what do you do when you are? Well, if your me, you cry, you're for a moment heartbroken and you're left wondering am I going to die?
Now, how about I rewind a little bit and hit the fast forward button randomly in between.
This is me:
-Cynthia
-34
-married(Husband Valentin)
-mother of 3(Sammy 13, Melissa 11 and Sarah 9)
-have 3 brothers(Javier, Miguel and Manolo)
-still have both my parents(Graciela and Javier)
-have my little dog(baby girl who thinks shes a real baby)
-6 nieces & 1 nephew
-one super ultimate BFF/Sister(Gabby)
-lots of close family
-and a true handful of bff's I can count in one hand
Now, wish I could say I showed up one day to some tests results and Bam, Cancer was the outcome, but it wasn't, sadly it was a long and extremely emotionally draining roller coaster ride, that all started with a lump. Yup. One tiny little lump the size of a small pea. I had brought it up to my doctor and it was discarded as a regular swollen lymph-node on the back of my neck that would go away in a couple of weeks. It in fact did go away and in its place anther one came along and it too went away. So what happened when I felt one on the side of my neck and noticed after 2 weeks it wouldn't go away? I ignored it and kept telling myself it would. Well, it didn't, and it took me almost 2 months to get myself to tell my doctor, by this time it was no longer the size of a pea, it had grown and felt like the size of a small egg and yet I couldn't get myself to tell him any sooner. I didn't even schedule my own appointment when i finally did, i was there for an appointment with my kids and then threw it out there at the end, and then....Ba Bam...he said, im gonna have to check you in and give you a real check up...I left his office crying that night with my mom and kids in the car and my brother Miguel parked next to us because we met up so he could pick up my niece. I tried to keep a straight face as best as possible and told the kids i was crying because he gave me a shot, when in actuality he had given me all worse case scenarios but at the same time hope that it was just a stubborn infection and i had to come the next day for blood work.
This is where ill hit the fast forward button because the next day of blood work sure wasn't the last. I played the waiting game for almost 8 months through weekly blood tests, random imaging tests, many ultra sounds, scans, MRI's, a soft tissue biopsy(that i had on new years eve actually), waiting on doctor referrals, seeing a surgeon specialist, all up until my big huge full biopsy surgery that was scheduled on March 5, 2015. we had all been waiting for this one surgery to finally happen, to finally know what everything meant. Waiting sucked, and while waiting the lump had of course grown, i looked like Java the Hut with my swollen neck and that one lump had turned into 5 lumps! well surgery day came and went and we had to wait a week for results. What we didn't count on was the wound to get infected and me ending up in the emergency room since i had been sent home with no antibiotics and no pain meds! of course i was admitted to the hospital and they did everything they could to make me comfortable. Now, i think i was lucky while i was there because my primary care doctor happened to be the attending doctor during the entire week i was there, so I don't know if that had anything to do with the attention i received.
Well, sorry for the side track, but it all goes together I promise. You see while I was in the hospital getting my infection treated Saturday night, my doctor said he would be on top of it and go first thing Monday morning to find out the results of my biopsy. So it was a surprise to me when another doctor came in Sunday night to tell me he had seen my results and right away told me it was all good and that it wasn't cancer!!! I was with my mom in the room when he said it and I even mentioned my doctor saying he himself wouldn't know the results till Monday, which he said he must have gotten them early and we immediately started crying out of joy and a long awaited sense of relief that we finally had an answer. So what did I do next? I texted and made calls to my brothers, Gabby and husband that everything was good and that i wanted them to go off to work Monday like usual and not worry about me. I even told my mom not to worry about rushing to see me in the morning because i was so sure id be going home by the afternoon. well, that didn't happen. The next morning that same doctor came in and said he had different news, he apologized and said he had read the wrong results and there was no other way to say it, but i did in fact have cancer in my lymph nodes and i was officially being diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma. So there I was, sad, a wreck, crying and alone. I had never felt so alone in my life and I couldn't get myself to call and worry anyone or tell my mom the news over the phone, I just couldn't. I cried by myself for a little and once i could bear to even hold my phone I text Gabby. I tried to keep it together as best i could until my mom arrived along with my dad, they happened to get there around the same time as my doctor so i was able to give them the news with some help. Ill fast forward again through telling the family little by little as the days in the hospital continued, keeping as straight a face as possible or the tone of my voice from cracking until I was able to tell them all in person, all except the kids, that's an entire different story. So, there I was, with the news, lots of doubts, lots of questions being answered day to day and a new series of testing and surgeries to prep me for the journey on getting better.
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